Those OTHER friend pictures! Say what!!!????!!!!

I believe I have discussed the whole relationship and having "friends" thing before.... But recently a different type situation was brought to my attention and I felt the need to blog about it. I want to see what my readers think.  The scenario: Jacob has a girlfriend.  She has a lot of male friends. He is ok with it, but he is NOT ok with the fact that her male friends send her pictures. Not just regular, I'm at the mall/ I have on my team jersey/ I'm with the family type pictures.  I'm talking about sexy, shirt off, questionable pose type pictures.  If it were reversed, probably at the same magnitude of a female sending a dude a as/body shot and not showing her face at all.  What Jacob did not like was the face that she defended her friend and said she sees nothing wrong with the pic.  Not only does she see nothing wrong, she saves the pictures on her phone and laptop.

  Now, my question to Jacob.....Are you sure they are just FRIENDS. He can only go by what she says. He has never met or talked to the guy.  In all honestly I feel the issue is his girlfriend not seeing anything wrong with the pictures.  If Jacob sent a girl "friend" of his "questionable" pictures, she thinks it would be wrong because he is in a relationship. But its ok for her to RECEIVE pictures because her friend is not in one. Helloooo!!!!YOU are in a relationship so why is it ok to receive as long as you not returning the favor of sending sexy pictures. Excuses Excuses!!
While I was discussing this with a friend she revealed that her boyfriend has pictures of his friends (some are booty shots where the females show no face). She feels that is they are a true friend and just a friend why the need to send ass shots and if he wants to respect her why does he even accept them and put his so called "friends" in their place from the jump. My reply....Because she been sending pics and he likes them. And she is not going to stop because she knows he likes them and has no respect for his relationship. 

I just know that with me .....I have male friends......I am in a relationship..... some of my male friends are in relationships....And I would not even start the drama of sending them sexy pics of me. I send regular everyday type pics.  But the sexy pics are for my man.....point blank period. And I already know that my male friends would question why I was sending them ass pics because we not even like that. Im sure most men love a good ass picture every now and then but in my opinion those pics should not come from your FRIENDS who you talk to all the time and you consider them to be just a friend.

 If you single cool......but stop disrespecting your woman/man and your relationship by allowing others outside to disrespect your relationship.  Its not the other persons fault.  Its the one who is in the relationship that's allowing it to happen.
But that's just my opinion!! Now I want to hear yours!!!! Comment and share your thoughts!!!!

Defining Our Inner Demons.....

Defining Our Inner Demons.....

Watching Scandal the other night, I was inclined to question......... What "demons" do I struggle with. The scene between James and Daniel (Sally Langston's husband) was intense as Daniel asked James not to  publish the article about him being gay because it would hurt his wife's campaign. He told James that he was NOT gay and he struggled with temptations. He was a Christian and he don't do things like that and publishing that article would hurt his family. So basically,  struggling with his temptations for sleeping with men was Daniel's demon. There are people that struggle with demons everyday. Rather it be food, sex addition,  insecurities, anger, jealousy, drug addition, feelings of inferiority, etc. Anything that has a hold on you and you feel like you have to struggle  to deal with it, can be considered your inner demon.
The first thing is to recognize and admit to your demon(s) . Yes, some of us have more than one!  If you don't know what they are then you will never deal with them. Once you recognize and admit to them , then you have to confront them head on. You confront your demons by letting them know you recognize them and then finding way to combat them.

Find ways to be stronger than your inner demons

So...... say you think you are perfect, and feel you have no issues or inner demons. That's an issue in itself because no one is perfect. You thinking you are perfect may as well be your inner demon.  We all deal with something.....Even if its something  as simple as procrastination. What you should not  do is allow or continue to allow inner demons to have control over our lives.  Still wondering if you have inner demons .....take this simple test.  If you end up answering yes to 4 or more questions.... then its time to start to figure what it is in your life that is holding you back..
These demons give us excuses to be complacent or hold ourselves back. Or even affect our lives to a point where we can't move forward, be happy, have healthy relationships, or even enjoy life! To face our inner  demons is to face our own weaknesses and insecurities.

TAKE THE TEST

 

1.Do you feel you are merely existing, not really enjoying life to its fullest?

2.Do you feel powerless to change your course as if controlled by a strong negative force from within?

3.Do you crave wealth but feel something is stopping you from attaining it?

4.Do negative thoughts often seem to block out positive, happy images?

5.Do you feel you are a good person who deserves a far better fate than what you have experienced thus far?

6.Do you sometimes feel isolated, that no one really cares?

 

Next blog I would like to talk about ways to fight your inner demons once you recognize what they are.......

So tell me............... what are your inner demons?

Thanks for reading and commenting............

Frenemies...... How many of us have them?

Frenemies ..... A term we hear that is used to describe a so called friend who in fact can also be classified as your enemy. I think it can be based on the saying 

"Sometimes your best friends can be your worst enemies "

         

In my opinion, this saying is true. Time, situations, and circumstances can turn someone who you thought was your best friend into a person you feel you have never known. We are human, and because of this we have feelings, emotions, and needs, wants, issues, etc that sometimes can get in the way of carrying out our duties to be a friend. Sometimes you confide in your friends for clarity, understanding, advice, or just to vent. We all do. We don't always agree or take the advice, but sometimes it's just nice to see your friends' views or opinions. But what happens when you don't agree or take the advice. Should there be jokes and ridicules about your situation. Or even go as far as Facebook and Instagram post from friends mocking the situation. Would you still consider that person your friend. And why would they go to such extremes to go Kevin Hart on you and Laugh at your Pain. Is it because they are drowning in their own misery and find comfort in knowing that they can laugh at your situation in order to feel better about themselves. Are they jealous? Is it that they are so unhappy themselves, it pleases them to know there is a bump in your road called life. Have their past experiences caused them to be so bitter and disconsolate that to even be optimistic or positive makes them cringe. Has this ever happened to you. And if so, how did it make you feel? Would you still confide in that friend again? Have you ever been a frenemy and didn't realize it? What are some of your "frenemy" stories? 

Everybody goes through  things at some point in life, and your friends should be there...if nothing more than to lend an ear. If your situation becomes a joke to your friends, then consider re-evaluating your friendships. You may learn that the one you call a friend is in reality..... a frenemy! 

So how do you spot these fake friends....... 

Check out the tips on the link below 

http://allwomenstalk.com/10-ways-to-spot-a-frenemy/8/

Why cant we just have Companionship............without all the CRAP!!!!!!

I was having a discussion with a friend and we were discussing relationships and what exactly it is that we want in a relationship as well as a mate. I decided to talk to others to really get an idea of what their expectations were.

As for myself, I started thinking.... What happened to carefree relationships where you meet, fell in love, you establish that you want to be in an exclusive relationship- and from that point  your relationship would grow and prosper into something beautiful. Ok .... So now the butterflies are floating and birds are singing and everything is all good.....  Like when has that happened ??? Ever??? Not to sound like a pessimist, but why does it seem like now in this day and time you have to go through so much CRAP to be in a relationship?  Why are we accepting so much just to say #TeamTaken or have "in a relationship" on our Facebook status. Why are we accepting lying, cheating, constant flirting with the opposite sex, being used, abused and disrespected by mates just to have companionship? Is this what it has come to?

 You even have women who are willing to be side chicks just for sake of having a man for a few hours a day (if that). Both men and women are lowering their standards and accepting all this bull just to not be single! I also was told that its better to just stay in the relationship and deal with it because who knows..... The next person could be even worse than what they are currently dealing with. Some say  they didn't want to deal with the meeting someone new and dating and basically....starting over. Now don't get me wrong..... There are couples out there who have a beautiful relationship that is filled with the butterflies I talked about earlier. And then there are the ones who constantly have to deal with so much  to the point you start to question is it really worth it?
So what is it you are dealing with or have dealt with in the past that you know is so crazy, yet you stay in it anyway. Also I would love to hear some inspiring stories so that others who are reading this  can be inspired when it comes to healthy , loving relationships minus all the bull!
Can we really just  have companionship without all the crap???

Flirting and Relationships: Is it okay to flirt with others while in a committed relationship???

 

Making eye contact, winking, blowing kisses, smirking, staring…..flirting can be fun when you are single. But what happens when you are in a committed relationship?

 

 

Does all flirting stop?? I think flirting can be harmless depending on how you do it and whom you do it with. Some people may take flirting as an open door or an invitation that could lead to more.  And what about flirting that crosses the inappropriate line a mile back.  Flirting can cause major issues in a relationship and can ultimately cause the relationship to end.  So basically…..if you’re flirting while you in a relationship, you will need to make sure that you take full responsibility when the relationship comes to an end.  Sure, relationships can get boring sometimes, but all the energy that is used in “inboxing” to flirt with others can be used in keeping your relationship spicy.  In my opinion it’s all about knowing your boundaries.  

 

Flirting can make you feel confident and put a lil ump in you…but you have to always remember to treat others how you want to be treated. Would you be hurt to know that your significant other is telling someone else how beautiful or handsome they are and how they fantasize about being with them? Or that they think about them all the time. If it would bother you to know your significant other is doing something like that, then why would you do it to them?  There has to be boundaries or the relationship will NOT last. Also, while all the flirting going on, there is someone always waiting in the wings to snatch up what you didn’t appreciate. You have to always remember that!  So what do you think? Is a lil flirting harmless……I think so. But when it begins to cross the line…the relationship needs to be reevaluated, and decisions of rather to continue in a relationship need to be made. So what are your thoughts…….Flirting while in a relationship….to do or not to do…..That is the question!  

Can You Be IN Love With Two People At the Same Time?

So.....Im watching an episode of "The Game", and I could actually feel Tasha Mack pain as she struggled to deal with the fact that she has feelings for two men. Could it be possible that she could be in love with both "Pookie" and Rick Fox at the same time? 

 My friend says that she "loves" one and is "IN love" with the other, as if it is not possible to be in love with two people at the same time. So my question to you.........."Is it possible to be IN love with two people at the same time?" 

When you think about it, and analyze it....... I think its possible.  After all, these are two different people, you do different things together, you have a different relationship with each one that is unique.  One could make you laugh.....one could be a great/better lover in bed........One could be eaiser to talk to than the other.......One could allow your intellectual side flourish while the other could bring out the party animal fun side in you....... I could go on and on! There are many different reasons you could find yourself falling in love with both.  So what do you to do when you find yourself in a Tasha Mack situation, and you are faced with making a decision and choose between two people you have feelings for. In this case, you can't choose with your heart....because both have claimed a piece of it.

So I guess it all depends on if you believe that you can be in love with two people at the same time or not...... Thats the question.....I want to hear your answers!  

WHY DO WE SETTLE ????

Sitting here watching reruns of the hit show “The Game”! We know we all LOVED this show (before it moved to BET).  Well I’m watching the episode where Melanie just dropped off a bag of gifts for Derwin and Janay’s baby.  One item in the bag was that darn teddy bear that Janay HATES but is so sentimental to Derwin and Melanie.  Well that starts up a BIG argument in which Derwin and Janay realize that what they are doing is settling.  Derwin looks at it as being responsible and being there for his son, but all and all it’s still settling.  When you choose to be with someone and your heart is with somewhere else, you are settling! Point Blank! No if, ands or buts about it!

            So how many times have we done this in our life? If it’s a relationship, a job, an apartment, whatever……….WHY DO WE SETTLE???  Why can’t we just go for what we want and not settle for less, because in the end you still will be left empty and unsatisfied and sometimes you could even end up in bad situations.  I’ve settled before. In fact, I’ve settled a few times.  And it never turned out good!  At times I feel I am still settling in certain areas of my life!  Sometimes we do settle for a job that’s not fulfilling because we have bills to pay. Understandable….but what are you doing to get out of that slump of a job and into a career that you love? You may live in that neighborhood because it’s affordable but what’s your game plan on moving to an area that you want to live in? 

And lastly when it comes to love and relationships……Why are we settling??? Settling is a choice made from fear. Don’t choose to be in a relationship because you’re afraid to be alone, or because you’re afraid you won’t find someone better. Sometimes we settle because we are afraid that we are not good enough to attract someone who really cares about us and loves us. Why do we keep running back to that cheating mate….knowing if they truly loved you, they would not continue to cheat over and over and over……. And WHY do we choose to be with someone just so we don’t have to be alone?  I don’t know about you, but I know that from this point on I refuse to settle. I refuse to accept less than I know I deserve. I refuse to be “ok” with things that I know are just not right. Ladies and Gentlemen, please stop choosing to settle when you know you are well worth everything that your heart desires. So think about it…..what is it that YOU have been settling for???

Top 10 Relationship Tips for 2013.......

I am a listener of the Michael Baisden show and I'm sure that many of you are too. I enjoy the debates and battle of the sexes. But what I most enjoy are the discussions about relationships because they tend to allow men and women to be honest about how they feel regarding relationships. I am in no way a relationship expert but I do want to be able to make better decisions and have more healthy relationships.

 

I ran across these tips courtesy of Michael Baisden and I thought these tips were great.  I especially love tip#1 which says to be honest about who you are and what you want ...from day one.  There are too many people (both men and women) who are playing games and to be honest, its just time out for games. I mean are you really going to spend your entire life playing games and never build any type of lasting and concrete relationship with anyone??? So eventually your whole life is about how many hoes you can get or how much money you can get out a dude.  At some point I believe everyone wants to be with that very special someone to call their own. I also believe that #10 is the most important! Master the art of being alone and learn to enjoy your own company. And never love someone more than you love yourself. Once you have achieved that you will choose better people to share your space and your life with. It is so important not to lose yourself to your partner.  Sometimes we start seeing someone and then our life becomes all about them! It happens all the time. It has even happened to me.  Then when you realize it and correct it, it can extend the life of the relationship and you will have a better sense of self.  Check our all 10 tips below.  Hopefully these tips will help to build more successful relationships and allow for more and more "happily ever afters"! :)

 Top 10 Relationship Tips for 2013

Michael Baisden’s Top 10 Relationship Tips for 2013:
1) Be honest about who you are and what you want…from day one!

2) Leave room for growth and change. People grow and relationships change. If the person you lay next to in bed is not someone you can evolve with your relationship will be in a constant state of disintegration.

3) Don’t misinterpret a good friendship for a good relationship. Just because you get along well as friends doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll make good life partners. Being compatible sexually, financially, and temperamentally is important and should not be underrated.

4) Communication really is the key! It’s not just about being able to talk but being able to listen. Most importantly, you must be able to talk through disagreements. If you can’t have an argument without always blaming your partner or constantly bringing up the past, the relationship is doomed.

5) Make your relationship a priority. Too often we put our careers, families, and friendships before our loved ones. Of course, there will be times when work requires extra time or friends and family need you, but it should never cause you to become inconsiderate of the most important person in your life.

6) Don’t start something you can’t finish. There’s nothing more frustrating than inconsistency. When you break your routine socially and sexually it creates insecurity and distrust.

7) You must share the same values and lifestyle. Don’t date a spender if you’re a saver; don’t date a couch potato if you’re a fitness freak. Don’t date a non-activist if you’re an activist. You must VALUE the same things and you MUST have similar ways of looking at life, and the world, to have a chance at longevity.

8) Some relationships have seasons. The person who is ideal for you today could be obsolete tomorrow. That may sound cold but it’s true. It doesn’t mean the relationship failed; sometimes you simply outgrow good people.

9) If you’re monogamous, don’t date someone who wants to date and have sex with other people. No amount of love can make you okay with sharing your partner if that’s not who you are.

10) Master the art of being alone and learn to enjoy your own company. And never love someone more than you love yourself. Once you have achieved that you will choose better people to share your space and your life with.

Footnote: Numerology/Astrology is the oldest science in the history of the world. Whether you accept it or not, some signs/birthdays are not compatible. Do your research and discover what so many people have, you can’t go against the universe.

Make today the beginning of the last day you work for someone else. Get your mind right, your body tight, and your circle of friends in order. It’s a war out there and you’ll need all your strength and a strong team to get through the hard times. Now…get up off your ass and let’s do this! Be determined and nothing will stand in your way! ~ Michael Baisden

THEY DID WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!

You look at the calendar and notice it’s your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend’s birthday coming up. Being that they are your EX and you have moved on and currently in a new relationship….. Should their birthday even matter? After all they are an “EX” for a reason.  Instead you make the conscience choice to send them a gift for their birthday.  Would this be a wise decision especially when you are currently in a relationship with someone else?

Shhhhh!! Dont tell my girlfriend!

 Now don’t get me wrong. I’m cordial with most all my ex-boyfriends.  I have no problem sending a “Happy Birthday” shout -out on Facebook and be amongst the other numerous greetings floating on their page. That’s just me.  But I’m not going out my way to send you a gift, money, card, etc…..   Especially if I’m in a relationship with someone else. That’s just downright disrespectful. (Once again….my opinion)



Woman just finding out her boyfriend sent his ex money for her birthday

So being that this situation was brought to me….. I asked someone I am currently dating if they thought it was ok to send their ex a gift for their birthday when they are currently in another relationship…..They responded “Yes!” I was beyond shocked. So apparently there are a lot of people in relationships who are still gifting their exes!!! Am I the only one who thinks that this is a problem and it’s NOT ok!!! And to top it off my friend continued to say that “as long as the person you with don’t know then it shouldn’t be an issue”.  ***Head in hands*** Really dude!! REALLY!!!!! So not only are you saying it’s okay to be disrespectful, you can throw a little deceit in there as well!  I swear I need to better screen people I get involved with! LOL!!!!

So talk to me……what do you think?? If you in a relationship….should you be sending your ex money, gifts, etc. for their birthday??????...

Facebook Etiquette: When you’re done with the ex, and moved on to the next…….

You enter into a relationship so quite naturally on Facebook, you update your status to “in a relationship” and you get that pretty little pink heart next to your relationship status.  You post pictures of each other on your pages. You share pictures of the things you are doing and the places you go together. You basically share your life together on Facebook. So what happens when the relationship comes to an end? If it’s a bad breakup, then most likely you are going to instantly (or within a few days) update your status to “it’s complicated” or “single”.  So what happens to all those pictures that you and your ex took that are posted all over your page? The pictures you were tagged in and all the memories of happier times.  Well, well, well……This argument came up between a friend and I.  We totally disagree and I just want to see what thoughts you may have on the issue. So, with that being said, is it alright to leave the pictures on your page just for the memories. The main question is.... What happens when you get into another relationship??  Do you think your new woman/man is going to want to see pictures of you and your ex in your “My Photos” album?

Or is it cool to leave them there and just explain that “Hey! Those pictures are old!”  Would you feel comfortable dating a guy or woman who has his ex all over his Facebook page…… What are your thoughts??? Converse with me!! It’s the first blog post on my latest blog…. Conversation with Collie!!!