Saturday, February 28, 2015

Is Monogamy Realistic?

Is it safe to say that everyone will cheat at some point in a relationship.  Especially in relationships that have lasted past 3 years. Statics show that the longer the relationship- the higher the likelihood that one or both partners will cheat.  So is monogamy really realistic?
First lets define what monogamy is.  Monogamy is a form of relationship in which an individual has only one partner during their lifetime or at any one time. There are different forms of monogamy. For instance there is social monogamy which refers to two partners living together, having sex with each other, and cooperating in acquiring basic resources such as shelter, food, and money. There is also sexual monogamy which refers to two partners remaining sexually exclusive with each other and having no outside sex partners. The question still this realistic?  With all the open relationships, casual partners, friends with benefits, and swingers...... is anyone practicing monogamy anymore? Some will even argue that people don't even marry for monogamy anymore but rather for companionship, security, and to start a family. For many, that does not mean that monogamy has to be a part of that equation. Studies and statics have shown that infidelity in relationships is as high 60 percent for women and 75 percent for men. Yes, despite popular belief, women resist monogamy just as much as men.
Here are some factors that contribute to monogamy or the lack thereof......
  • Relationship Satisfaction- The more satisfied two people are in a relationship, the more likely both partners will be monogamous. Someone who is truly happy with their partner will less likely take a chance of stepping out and risk potentially losing that person in their life. They will feel its not worth it and will continue to be faithful for the sake of the relationship.
  • Religious Beliefs- Religion is a factor in regards to the influence of sexual attitudes and behaviors, therefore couples who share religious beliefs in a higher power and base their relationship upon influences of their faith have a greater chance to have a monogamous relationship.
  • Cultural Factors- There is a great influence on monogamy when it comes to cultural aspects. There are some cultures that view monogamy as the way it should be therefore one tends to try to emulate this practice in their relationship. There are also some cultures that believe the opposite. As an individual, no matter what you think or feel, you tend to be influenced by the culture in which you are raised.
  • And speaking of how you are raised, Your Upbringing has a lot to do with how you view monogamy. Did you see a different man coming out your mothers bedroom every week. Or does your father have several kids outside your immediate family.  What you see growing up influences what you do. If you didn't see your parents/family members or those close to you taking relationships seriously, the less likely you are to take it serious too.
  • Social Media- I'm a high believer that social media (as well as the internet as a whole) has an influence on monogamy. Yes, I agree that its an individual persons choice to step out.... but I also agree that with all the sex via social media.... its kinda easy to be influenced when your inbox is full of messages from people wanting you and waiting for you to step out....... Oh and lets not forget the direct messages, sex hook up sites, porn site where you can "click here to have sex with someone in your area". Its all too easy and all it takes is an fight between you and your significant other...... A logon onto the internet then.... viola! There goes monogamy out the door. It could happen.....
Just know there are always exceptions.. Like for instance, there are people who are in great relationships and love their partner- yet they tend to step out from time to time. A great relationship does not guarantee monogamy... Marriage does not guarantee monogamy..... The only thing that guarantees monogamy is two people who both want the same thing and are not influenced by outside partners.
It doesn't matter if monogamy is realistic or not.....All that matters is if it is realistic with you.
So what do you think? What are some other factors that influence monogamy? Comment & Share!!

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Are you in a Situationship?

You are dating a great guy or girl...... You are hanging out all the time.  You go to dinner. Go catch a movie.  Hang out at one another's crib. Your friends know about that person....  Yet when someone ask if that's your dude or if that's your girl..... You can't answer. You're not quite sure what you're doing. Suddenly you find yourself in a situationship!
There are many different relationship statuses. The more relationship statuses that are invented.... The harder they are to define. With most people, they find themselves either in a relationship with someone, married, single or divorced. These are the easiest to define. But what about those who are in an open relationship or  in a domestic partnership. It's gets a little more questionable.  Facebook even has a "it's complicated" tab as a relationship choice.
We are to the point where we are dating and not having sex. We have sex with people without dating them. We sleep with our exes and call them "friends". We spend a year or more involved with someone without as much as a title or category for our "thing".
How do we explain all these situationships that are happening all over the place? And how do we avoid being in one?
1.  Know what you want!
First of all, before embarking on the unknown, we must know exactly what we want. Don't get into situations with other people and not know what you want. Before you start dating, there should be a clear view on exactly what you are looking for. Without a clear destination, you have no idea which roads to take to get there. 
2. Communicate
Communicate your wants to the person you are seeing. For instance, if you are seeking a relationship that could possibly lead to marriage- then let that be known. Don't try to hide what you want especially if the other person has made it clear that they aren't looking for the same things. Believe me ..... Staying with someone who doesn't have the same relationship goals as you could end in disaster. Don't expect for what YOU want in a relationship to rub off on them.
3.  Define your Relationship
If you have been dating for awhile (6 months to a year) and have gotten to know one another very well, then how do you define your relationship?  You seem to be a "pair" to everyone else but it seems you can't figure out what you are. You don't date or see other people yet you still can't understand whats really going on with you and the one you are seeing. It's time to define your relationship!!!! Sit down and have a candid talk about the status of your relationship.

Just know that it's so easy to end up in one of those "situationships" that will leave you thinking and wondering about your true relationship status. The best way to avoid that is to know what you want, communicate with your partner, and define your relationship! Do you know anyone in a situationship? Have you ever been in one yourself? In your opinion, do relationships really need to be defined??
Don't forget to comment and share!

Monday, February 16, 2015

What's YOUR Vision?????

Bernetta and I with my vision board! 
 I attended a Vision Board party last month. It was awesome. The party was hosted by one of my closest friends, blogger and media specialist Bernetta Knighten ( as well as two other fabulous ladies and business owners, Quayin Young (SB Boutique)  and April Young (April's Place). This is the second Vision Board I have done. My first one was done in 2012 in order to create visions from that point into 2013. I had several of those visions from that board to manifest. For one, I wanted to purchase a brand new car. I did that!! I had never purchased a car brand new before. I had always (for some reason or another) purchased previously owned vehicles. It really felt good to purchase my "Angel" (that's her nickname) brand new. Another vision of mine was to began my career teaching. I finished my Masters in Education Jan 2013, but finding a position took longer than expected. Nevertheless I kept my faith and my vision was manifested in Oct 2013. Also on my vision board I had an engagement ring. I wanted a great companion. I wanted someone to share my life with. That vision also manifested. Well... At least the ring did!! LOL!  A beautiful ring I received ..... Just like the one I posted on my vision board. Unfortunately, the marriage didn't happen :(   So with that being said, on my current board I decided to be a tad bit more detailed, specific and precise!!! I did put another ring on my current vision board.. But along with it I put an actual vision of the wedding as well as all the things I EXPECT in a mate. I learned that just merely putting a ring on my vision board manifested into exactly what I received.... Just a ring ... with no commitment, respect, faithfulness, honesty or marriage to go along with it. Lesson Learned!!!!....
Love & Marriage!!

Friendship Bonds!!!
 Remember to be detailed with your visions and  know exactly what you want and put the specifics on your board! With this board I also focused on continuing education to begin working on my Specialist degree. I'm focusing on family and friendship bonds. Building stronger relationships with friends and family is important to me. The girlfriends you see on my vision board represent the stronger bond I want to build in my friendships. Sometimes work, boyfriends, family issues, life, etc.... take away from the bonding time with your true Soulmates .... Your friends! For my family I want to purchase my first home. I know that vision is obtainable THIS YEAR!!! Soon I will be submitting my information and consulting with a lender for pre approval so I can know exactly what I need to do to start working towards purchasing my first home. I also have lottery tickets on my board.  I have always declared that I WILL hit the lottery and I will continue to declare that vision until it is manifested!! #WINNING
Healthy skin is a vision that I am passionate about. There was a time my skin was horrible (Bernetta can attest) .... I was very self conscious... But instead of hiding behind makeup I took the steps to start improving my skin. It has really improved but I have to continue to work at eating better and continue to find the best skin care regimens as my skin changes. Speaking of eating better, of course losing weight is on my board. Not only lose weight but tone and start eating more healthy. Growing and maintaining my naturally curly hair is also part of my vision. 

Healthy Eating!
I have visions for every area of my life ... Health and Beauty, Education, Friends and Family, Relationship/Marriage 
I added words and phases on my vision board such as: love, passion, faithfulness, happy, amazing, family, health, unforgettable, inspiration, The best, Master the Moment and other words and phases will continue to be added throughout this year.
Remember...Your vision board is just that ...YOUR visions, YOUR passions, YOUR goals, YOUR dreams. Its up to you as to what you want to put on your board. You can also add and delete as things change but be sure to focus on what you really want for your life and remember to place your board somewhere you can look at it EVERYDAY!!!!
Have you created a vision board? What's YOUR vision? Share and Comment!!!